We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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