Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
