guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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