My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
