I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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