I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sober January is a disaster.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
