In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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