They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
