Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
