No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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