I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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