So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
