one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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