He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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