question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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