He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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