you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
