Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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