i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
