Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
