So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
