My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
