a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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