Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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