fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
