Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
