Where did you get a picture of my penis
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
