He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
A bitchslap is in order.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
