Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
