My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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