if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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