There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
