RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
