dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
