If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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