Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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