Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
