My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
