I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
