im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
