do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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