I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
