Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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