Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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