woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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