Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
