You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
