i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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