I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
