Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
