this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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