I smell stomach acid.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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