In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
