If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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