She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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