you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
