in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
