my vag is so smooth its legendary
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
