I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
