I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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