we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
