why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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