don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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