Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
