My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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